What time is it?
Ok, so my mind is racing about somethings that I was dealing with today, and I can’t sleep. I know you’ve all had those days. So, what better thing to do at 1am than to write a post on my sadly neglected blog that I will probably delete in the morning because it ends up being something that only makes sense at 1am.
I’ve figured something out, and in my immense wisdom, I’m going to share with you.
What I’ve figured out is that I haven’t figured anything out.
Sorry if you got really excited about the next bit of revolutionary thought, but that’s all I’ve got. In our church, I was hired as the “Pastor of Worship”, but it seems that more often that not, I’m more of just the arts coordinator and song leader, which is certainly traditionally what someone in my position would be doing. However, I really feel that I need to work on the “pastor” part of my title, and even more so the “worship” part of my title. As a technician, while I certainly have ways to go, I do pretty well. I even wowed a friend today at how I can deftly maneuver around a lead sheet and can orchestrate both instruments and vocals with relative simplicity (you’re impressed, I know), but that’s not really the point of what I do, is it? Sure, that’s what everyone really sees, and that’s what I learned in school, and certainly if I failed to lead a positive musical experience on Sundays, everyone would notice, but directing a bunch of extraordinarily talented musicians shouldn’t be too much of a challenge for anyone with nearly a masters in music.
The problem for me comes in with the title. I’m not the “minister of music” or even “director”, I’m the “pastor of worship” and it seems to me that is a much bigger responsibility.
It seems that the more God teaches me through His word and through many thoughtful authors about worship, the more I realize how far I am from understanding what that is really all about (not that I thought I knew everything before, I just thought I wasn’t so far from a good understanding). Sure, it’s easy to spout out a definition of worship as “giving worth to God” or something, but we all know it’s much more than just a simple definition.
Worship first starts with me and my heart. That part I do know. Nothing I do on Sunday mornings even matters if I’m not worshiping God and actively pursuing a relationship with Him during the week. This is a real struggle for me much of the time to be honest, and not really for any good reason. It would be easy to say, “I’m really busy” or “I’m just so tired and need time to rest”, but in reality, those sentences are just excuses, and hardly true anyway. A better response would be “I’m too busy not to” or “I’m so tired that I need Jesus to refresh me”, but I don’t get to that point often enough.
I love God. I really do. I am so thankful for Jesus and so desire to live in close relationship with Him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do spend time with Jesus and He is growing me, that much is true, but I just know I have a long way to go.
I’m struck again with something that I have been reminded of lately about what it means to worship God. John Piper says that the “chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.” Without going too much into what he means, basically, he’s saying that God is most glorified when we find our deepest satisfaction in Him. When we truly live our lives in such a way where our main goal in life is to find peace, rest, joy, hope, and satisfaction in God, He receives the most glory. That comes out in our families, our churches, our jobs, missions, and worship, etc. When I worship God with every aspect of my life, my life will be different, and only God will be able to have the glory.
Well, that was painful. Sorry about that. It’s now 1:30am.
Seriously, leave some comments. I love dialogue! (I know only a few people read this, but it’s good for me to write – it’s kinda like I have a journal that is accessible to the world)